I hope you know that I'm not the kind of person who would use that word as a put-down. But on the drive home tonight, this was the phrase that kept rolling around my head, and I think it fits, and who cares if it's not politically correct?
You see, there's this girl.
(Woman, not girl. Jeez. Let me make that very clear. Not into the 'girls.' I keep it legal.)
I've carried a torch for her for a long, long time, hoping that maybe she'd come to her senses and see that we'd be great together. In the meantime, we hang out, enjoy each other's company, have a lot in common, have a lot not-in-common (which I like; who wants a carbon-copy of themselves?), and have eaten, by our rough estimate, north of 200 meals together over the years.
Naturally, this absolutely kills a little piece of me. I can't help but picture what it'd be like, being with her, and let's just say it looks pretty damn good. We joke a lot about what our future kids would look like. And occasionally I bring it up that, jeez, y'know, wouldn't it work? She deflects, says she doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
But recently she added that she's of the opinion if, if romance doesn't fly immediately, then it probably never will, and she shouldn't pursue it. I mean, I guess I can see where that's coming from... but, well, how far has that gotten her to this point, if she's still single? Isn't it worth taking a chance, just to see?
Well, on said drive home, this whole scenario was bouncing around my brain -- which is weird, I thought I'd already essentially dealt with this -- and I just got really, really bummed. (It didn't help that Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up In Blue" was playing, too; how wondeful and insightful those lyrics are, in an apparently helpless situation.)
And so, here I am. Romance sucks. All I want is to be done with this fucking merry-go-round. Honestly, I can totally see why people settle. People have settled for thousands of years, and somehow society has managed to carry on just fine. How bad can it be?
Jesus fucking christ.