Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Booze Reviews #1: Four Loko Watermelon.


Beverage: Four Loko, watermelon flavour
Container: can
Size: friggin' huge
Alcohol by volume: 8%-ish
Price: pretty cheap

This beverage used to be a lot more controversial, as old formulations used to contain both alcohol and caffeine, and probably made some teenagers' hearts explode (but not in that My Chemical Romance-y way). The caffeine is out, but lordy, the alcohol remains.

There was no way I was going to drink this whole thing myself, lest my night turn violently shitty ridiculously quickly. So, I shared this with Drinkin'-Buddy Dave (DBD); we poured it into two glasses (not the good pint glasses, mind you) and had at it.

First impressions:
  • "Oh my god, this tastes like incredibly alcoholic liquid watermelon Jolly Ranchers."
  • "Jesus christ, this is terrible."
  • "Who would choose to drink this?"
After many, many mouthfuls, you start to get desensitized to its incredible booziness; if you wait a couple of minutes and take another drink of it, it hits you anew. Finally we managed to put the rest of it away and move onto something more palatable.

I'll tell you this: if you were to drink a whole can by yourself fairly quickly -- it's 695 mL, which is about the volume of two bottles of beer (with significantly higher alcohol content) -- there's no way it won't fuck you up something fierce. I realize some people are looking for that, but I'm (usually) not. I'll stick to beer, thanks.

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